# Daughter dating older man

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With him, what you see is what you get. I think it would be important to express that you feel finishing school and focusing on college should be a priority. Your situation is a parental nightmare, but not the most unusual of scenarios. I'm so sorry that this man doesn't mesh with your famly also.\
&#x20;![daughter dating older man](https://bossip.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/jordanlovesdestiny.jpg)\\

When I would go away on trips and had my guy take care of my apartment, I always came home to flowers on the table, chocolate or homemade gifts. She is a mature 17-year-old, right. Another older beau, who was 65 to my 37, insulted me routinely, preferably in front of others. She has expressed her romantic interest in me… and honestly, Daughter dating older man am flattered. I spoke to her about it and she said it was a stupid mistake and would not do it again. Solo an older boyfriend also becomes a status symbol, a way for the teenage girl to say that she is already grown-up and part of the adult world.

We hope to start a family later next year. What about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, who were 16 years apart when they were married? It's very easy to lose perspective and make sacrifices for a relationship that realistically isn't going anywhere. If the young person in question was someone very unattractive to you would you have the same reaction?\
&#x20;![daughter dating older man](https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/dating-older-men1.jpg)\\

**How to Get My Daughter to Stop Dating Older Men** - For, mea culpa, money was an attraction; when I was 30, I fell for a successful financier of 55 — the same age Michael Douglas was at his wedding to Catherine. He has refused many times to even meet the Guy when he thought they were just friends, and now has labeled Guy a sick pervert.\
&#x20;![daughter dating older man](https://rollingout.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/reginae-carter.jpg?x47911)\\

This search for belonging, often sends teenage girls into unhealthy relationships that further damage their self-esteem and often expose them to other damaging factors such as unprotected sex, drugs, alcohol and violence. During the teenage years, young people are trying to come into their own and often rebel against their parents and other adults, which is why they often chose friends and relationships that their parents disapprove of, including dating older men. I hate when I am working with a teenage girl and she tells me she is dating an older man, usually because I know that this relationship, while to her may be idyllic and dreamy, is more often a disaster waiting to happen on so many levels. Did someone say sex? I told her that had to say something about his motives, personality, etc. After several months of bliss and sex, he started treating her badly and her moods were very erratic, varied by however they were doing at the moment. If they were good, she was happy, going to class, doing good. If he was ignoring her, she was depressed, missing class, consumed with anxiety. Why Do Teenage Girls Date Older Men? Some of the reasons include genuine chemistry. Another reason includes greater financial and physical independence, which for a young teenage girl looking for independence, an escape from her family or surroundings, is very appealing. Also, older men are considered more mature and experienced in all aspects of life which is attractive to a young girl, especially one looking to escape her life. Usually the older man has more power simply from the fact that he is older, and they usually have more money and resources than the teenager or her friends. This takes her out of being equal, especially when it comes to making decisions, and because he is older, she will often get dictated to and assume that he is right or knows best. Also, because he will typically have more money than her and her peers, it will be easy for him to impress her by doing simple things such as taking her to the movies, a fastfood restaurant, picking her up from school or buying her a t-shirt or shoes. Having an older boyfriend also becomes a status symbol, a way for the teenage girl to say that she is already grown-up and part of the adult world. She is no longer a child like her peers. Because of this, it may make it easier for her to start neglecting things like her peers and school work. After all, why should she worry about passing a chemistry test when her boyfriend is worried about paying his rent or losing his job. Teenage girls also often date older men to rebel against their parents, and the more the parents fight against it, the more likely the boyfriend is seen as an allie and will help begin to alienate her from her parents, under-minding their decisions and further breaking apart her support system, while strengthening his hold and isolating her. Consequences of Dating Older Men There are not only psychological risks involved with dating an older man and trying to fit into an adult world precociously, there are also dangers of being exposed to drugs, alcohol, abuse, and an increase rate of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Young teenage girls who contract sexually transmitted diseases often get them from older boyfriends. Older men usually have had more sexual experience that often include risky sexual behaviors. The young teenage girl is not likely to question his sexual behavior or health status, and even if she did, she is likely to take his word for it instead of asking him to go get tested with her. One study done by the California Center for Health reports that the average age of the fathers who got a 12 year old pregnant was 19. Doing so may just push your daughter further into his arms. Try to talk to your daughter, express your concerns. Let her know that you only have her best interests at heart. Most of these relationships usually fizzle out if the teenager is allowed to come into her own in a healthy way, but often not before she is scarred in someway. A lucky few end up in marriage, which is often proceeded by a child and continues with multiple children, poverty, physical and substance abuse. Try talking to the boyfriend. Let him know that if he really cares about her, he will abide by your wishes since you only have her best interest in mind and he should too if he cares about her. Depending on the age of your daughter and the age of the man, it may be appropriate to get law enforcement involved. Otherwise, she will search for and find someone or something else to attach herself too. I agree that all the answers above are reasons a teenage girl dates an older man, but another to consider is teenage girls are more mature than teenage boys. An older man challenges them intellectually. Perhaps the girl is not interested in high school events like football games, dances and such. I do know instances where the relationship has worked out well for both; I think it depends on both parties and the age difference. You always put things better than I could have! I wonder and I look at this from the perspective of long life experience if dating older men, which I did my 19 to his 31 , is not also an indication of unresolved daughter-father issues. I had absentee father issues, as do many women in our culture, and looked to an older man as protector and wise influence. This tends to idolize the older male, who is likely to prove just as fallible as the men of comparable age. What I tell my middle-aged male friends who chase younger women is that they are likely looking for either a dominant Daddy or a Sugar Daddy. The main thing with your daughter dating an older man is the LEGAL boundaries, as they are there for a reason and apply to everyone, no exceptions. What you can do? Tell her about contraception etc… and be there for her if she needs it. I will admit, I am not a mother, but a 17 year old girl. So this is all first hand experience, at the risk of seeming a little big headed, I am very mature for my age. I meet a man, get to know him, hang out with him a bit, and the age issue sort of fades away, we get on very well and we may start something romantic. If your daughter is legally allowed to have sex, you cannot do anything about it. But that is why contraception is so important as that kind of going badly will last atleast 18 years. Thanks for taking the time to read and share your experiences. You seem to be one of the exceptions, a young lady who is mature enough to handle dating an older guy without getting used or mistreated. You gave some great advice and it is difficult once a young girl is of legal age of consent for her parents to do anything except try to be there for her and guide her if things start to go bad, even if it breaks their hearts. I wish you luck in life and love. It sounds like you know what you are doing. I find this comment quiet bizarre. I assume by this you mean they just want sex. I assure you as a former teen boy, the only thing teen boys want from teen girls and women is SEX. I am interested on what planet do teen boys not want teen sex from teen females? Every teen boy I knew had 3 focuses in life. One was sex with teen girls. You mention They also do not have the social, financial and or mental skills to date older women. Or should he just kill himself? I assume by this you mean they just want sex. I assure you as a former teen boy, the only thing teen boys want from teen girls and women is SEX. I am interested on what planet do teen boys not want teen sex from teen females? Every teen boy I knew had 3 focuses in life. One was sex with teen girls. You mention They also do not have the social, financial and or mental skills to date older women. Or should he just kill himself? There is never an excuse for a 30 year old man to be dating an underage girl. I currently work in a jail where I counsel many men in their twenties, thirties and older who are here for having sexual relationships with girls who were 16, 14, 12 and all thought it was appropriate, yet they sit across from me waiting to be transferred to prison and are labeled as sexual offenders. My current girlfriend is 9 years younger than I am, but she is 27 and not only an adult, but she is intelligent, independent and capable of having a mature relationship. I am, currently, the middle aged mother of a teenage boy, and while he is sweet and considerate and thoughtful, he has all the social grace of a baby elephant. I have also mentored a number of teenaged girls over the past 25 years, as a foster mother and as a Big Sister. One in particular got involved with a recently divorced man who was 12 years older than she, and in fact ultimately married him. It went reasonably well until she grew up. While he was not abusive, he could not deal with a mature woman and had an affair with — you guessed it — another teenaged girl. She is now in her late 30s, and has struggled her whole adult life. Another of my girls fell in love with a 24 year old man when she was 14. I was horrified, but set down rules for him as well as her. They were never to be alone together, not even or perhaps especially in a car. Any dates had to be double dates or chaperoned. More than once I drove and sat in the back row of a theater while they sat 10 rows ahead of me, or drove them to a restaurant and sat out in the car and read until they were done. I have to say that the man in question never broke those rules and never encouraged her to do so. Ultimately he put her through college, they bought a house, and married several of years ago, when she was 22. For all my fears at the start, he has proven to be an honorable man who has encouraged her to become the awesome woman that she now is. And then there is the girl I was myself. I started college a few months before my 17th birthday. I was, at that point, dating a 24 year old graduate student. He was intelligent and interesting, and unlike my age mates was interesting in things other than sports and sex. He introduced me to authors who were new to me. He took me to the symphony, to plays, to folk music concerts and poetry open mic nights. He is still my friend. I dated a couple of other men considerably older than I after that, a medical student and later a history professor 14 years my senior. None of those experiences were bad. When I ultimately married myself, it was to a man my own age who was a graduate school classmate of mine. All of which is a very long way of saying that one has to consider the individuals in question when faced with something that looks, at first glance, like a mismatch in age. A 17 year old girl can be more mature than a 25 year old man, or can be looking for security that she does not have, or for the excitement of the adult world. I will talk to the young woman, and be available, and watch. My current girlfriend is a little more than 9 years younger than I am and most of the time that is not an issue at all. I am the mother of a 14 year old daughter. She met him on FB. All she did was cry all night long and she blames me for ruining her life. Although, I KNOW that all teenage girls get their hearts broken and she will eventually get over this, her pain is real and it is tearing me apart. I know I am the cause of her pain but I also know I am doing what is right! He was talented, charismatic, and my parents adored him. I was a naive virgin at the time. I kept the secret of what we did behind closed doors from everyone. I was so ashamed. Still my parents persisted to encourage me to be with him because of who he was. When baseball season ended, he went back home and —it turns out—married another girl who was pregnant. He came back the next season, married, and I was determined to stay away. But my mom initiated contact, listened to his sob story about how he loved me, and pushed me to start seeing him again. I suppose I was willing. We spent the summer making up and breaking up as I tried my best to resist him. He left again and I never heard from him again. I still have a lot of hurt 30 years later. I feel like the victim of child abuse and I feel they allowed it to happen. I married a man who is cold and refuses to have sex with me or even touch me whatsoever. Hi, sorry it took me so long to respond. Thank you for your comment. I feel like you really were abused. At 16, no matter how adult you may have looked or thought you were, you still needed guidance in certain areas and your parents let you down. It sounds like your mother in some ways wanted to live vicariously through you so she pushed you to date this guy. Maybe she even thought that if you ended up with him it would be for your own good as you would have wealth and so would she. In the end you will be happier and will learn to love and be loved the way you deserve to be. But age of consent varies by state and country. I assume the age of consent in your state is 18, whereas it is 16 in mine. Also there are plenty of people, expecially on the lower end of society, prison people included, who never really grew up but grew older. Prison is a good example, because if you went to jail at 19 and come out at 27, you are not going to be where most 27 year olds are, you are going to be in a 19 year old mind frame. However, there is usually something wrong when grown adults are looking at high school age kids as possible romantic partners. You gave a great example; sometimes tragedies, drugs, alcohol, abuse, etc. They will find it easier to date and get along with much younger people and are more likely to be ostracized by their same age peers. As long as it is legally acceptable, then I guess it is okay, however we have to be careful because this is how man people intentionally or unintentionally break the law. Historically speaking, a woman over the age of 25-26 was viewed as old or at the very least less than ideal in terms of beauty and attractiveness. I mean there are some exception in hollywood too of women who age and still look great, like halle berry, but it is not the norm and involves alot of surgery. For the 100,000 or so years of human existence, 16 would be a fairly normal age to get married and have kids. Not until the last few decades have all this concern about pedophiles really come to the forefront and there has been almost a crusade to enforce strict age limits on sexual relations. I think there is something mentally wrong with people who want to have sex with children like 13 or 12 or under. In my province the age of consent was recently raised from 14 to 16. That being said once I became an adult 18 I had no real desire nor attraction to underaged girls. For instance, when I was 16, I looked 21. So you are a mental health counselor. So are people like that man you described, are they viewed as simply people with a mental sickness or illness that needs treatment. I also wanted to ask you, because it is implied alot in society and it seems to be a position where you at least seem sympathetic to. I understand why women object here jealousy but am I missing a good rational objection from a man? As soon as I found this out, I ended our relationship; still trying to figure out tho WTF?! Hi, you may never understand all the reasons this happened. A lot of men will sleep with any woman of age he is sexually attracted to, even if she is barely legal. You did the best thing you could do for you which is to end the relationship. Thank you for responding. I have waffled back and forth about telling her warning , but this far I have decided to leave it be. From what I understand, the narcissist is always ten steps ahead and probably already has his story lined up, in case I were to tell her. I am also afraid he might seek revenge on me…he obviously has no boundaries with anything else. The answer usually boils down to they like someone else MORE. And its usually because they think the other person is more attractive than you. Studies show that men view the ideal age of beauty of a woman to be around 22-19 depending on the study. Historically a woman who was 30 would be considered older and past child bearing years. Women also tend to be most fertile at that 16-22 range so it is likely just biology at work her. Men are probably subconsciously attracted to younger women due to them having more signs of fertility and therefore being better potential mates. She just happened to be the first one I discovered. I disagree with you saying that it has to do with looks. I think it has to do with his ego, and him being a narcissist. I believe this 19 yr old will be easier to control. Not onto his game. She recently posted a screen shot of a text conversation between the two of them and he made a unique comment to her that I used to say to HIM. Truth is they seem to be deeply in love and are both incredible people in their individual way. It makes me feel ill and sad. And we all have teenage children. Plus, I can see the power imbalance which is subtle. Everyone in the group have found their way to deal with it. Problem is his become apart of the group as due to business and friendship. Obviously, that is how others have dealt with it and it seems to be working for them. It seems the men just get on with it. I think it is toxic clearly because of the age difference. At the moment my mantra is she has a mother. I agree with you that the age difference is huge and I hate to see that the relationship formed before she was even 18. To me, personally, that means that there is not only something wrong with him, but also with her. Honestly this is not your problem. The same goes with the girl. Maybe she has some daddy issues, or she is looking for an older man to take care of her, or she is just one of those people who is willing to be with anyone who gives her the time of day. Again, that is her problem not yours. You were right about me investing to much energy. I tortured myself trying to understand it all. However, you will be pleased to know that I have let it go. Mostly, I have found my role in this group and I can be true and authentic without the conflict going on inside me. I feel relieved and lighter. It truly is disgusting, and although she obviously has issues, I think the blame goes primarily on the man in this scenario. Going to her parents house and fucking her? I almost threw up when I found out…seriously made me physically ill to discover this. Gross… Sorry but you are the one with the problem. Just listen to yourself. If the young person in question was someone very unattractive to you would you have the same reaction? I seriously doubt it. You are jealous because it was someone you would have liked to be with. Same goes for interracial dating. People only care when it is a good looking girl or guy and they get jealous…unless they are just really racist bigots. No help for them. She was very intelligent and smart. Not because I could not date girl my age. I had several girl friend my age then, I was financially ok I live a lavishly life style. When I meet I became focus and help her through her high school. Could any boy her age do that for her. Some times in life things that work for one will not work for another, do not judge best another mistakes. Even adults are abuse in relationships. Do you know how I treated girls my age then compare to how I cherish her because of her innocent. If its in my power I will buy the whole world for her. No woman my age swept me off feet the way she did. Let a 14 year old be a child, have her teenage years, be with her teenage friends and go through what teenagers go through without an adult boyfriends influence. You say you helped her through high school, that was not your job. I am almost 10 years older than my girlfriend, but when we met she was 27 years old, a grown woman, not a teenager. I have a daughter who lived with her mother we are divorced. She was 17 and dated a 45 year old man. When she turned 18, she left home, moved across the county, and they married. Not something that I, or our families agree with… but she is my daughter, I love her and I support her as I can with her decision. Admittedly, it has placed a strain on our relationship. Fast forward — I am 45, and have found a 18 year old young lady. She has yet to finish high school, and she voices her own struggles. She expresses her dissatisfaction with boys her age as they are terribly immature, and has had more at least two relationships with men roughly older than her, 23 and 30. Both that did not end well and she became somewhat self destructive. She has expressed her romantic interest in me… and honestly, I am flattered. I know there are things my daughter has missed out on, and will continue to miss out on as she moves through life, and I would never want to do this to a young woman. My relationship with this 18-year-old… I have agreed to be her friend. She can talk to me and let me know what is on her mind. I have told her that I will give her my opinion. I encourage her to keep up her grades, and also as she prepares for college. She shares some drama from school, along with her frustrations and fears about the future. She will learn lessons that are important, things that she may never experience with an older man. Some of those experiences may be painful. As much as we want to protect our children, sometimes they have to learn through these kind of experiences so they can grow and mature. I admit that the relationship I have with this young woman is far more candid than the relationship I had with my own daughter at that age. I know I am not a counselor, but I do hope to provide her with an advantage of learning from my own experience and helping her in a way that I could not help my own daughter. Let her experience life, but provide some pointers along the way. Bravo for you sir. It is very easy for most men to be flattered and give in to the temptation of being with a woman that is far younger than he is, especially when that woman is looking for the security and guidance of an older man. It is far harder to restrain from engaging in a relationship that will most likely be detrimental to the development of that young person. She will be a better person for your guidance without the confusion of being romantically and sexually involved. You are right, there are many experiences she has to go through and many times she will have to learn that she is capable, smart enough and strong enough to save her self and accomplish her goals. You can help her with that without hindering her growth. I had a similar experience with a 18 year old high school senior who was involved with an older, married man. Once that relationship dissolved she wanted to have a romantic relationship with myself. At that time she was 19 and a freshman in college. I too was flattered, but knew in my heart that the best thing I could be for her was a role model and help guide her. Any romantic relationship would have most likely just interferred with her development and got in the way of the life she was meant to live. Again, I thank you for being a bigger man than most. Thank you for the article, it has reenforced how I have been handling the situation. So I have a adopted daughter who is 17 and is dating a 26 year old man with a 2 year old daughter to add to the mix. She asked her mom to sign emancipation paperwork which she said no , but plans to pick up and move days after turning 18. I have 2 questions. I believe we are making the right steps, but still how to sleep at night. I disagree with some of the points you made in this. I had a boyfriend who was over 18 when I was 15. I was much more mature already and felt equal when talking with him. He was never ever abusive and was always kind. I made my own decisions and he never told me what to do. Now we are married. There will always be creeps who have fantasies about young girls. But I have always looked a bit older. And when I was 15, I found it strange dating someone 15, they were all immature and I had nothing in common with them. Stop making these types of relationships sound like your child is in danger of getting abused or into drugs and alcohol. My husband never did drugs and never encouraged me to drink at all. Its about who the person is, not how old. The points you made are insulting and strike fear into parents, not all teens are ummature and nieve like you make them out to be. Did I cut myself when we had problems or go suicidal? I handled it in a mature way. That is good for you. Many men who date younger girls only date them for sex and to control them. Not all, but many. I currently have in therapy a 45 year old corrections officer who is in jail for dating and having sex with a 13 year old girl. The brain of a teen girl is not even fully developed until the age of 25. I believe it to be true that these types of men feel inferior to women their own age and seek a much younger woman for control. I suppose the person you responded to sees nothing wrong with a 37 year old married man screwing a 19 year old in her parents home either…vile! Any thought on that? I am also wodnering if there is a bias as well. When a relation is looked down upon you might only see the bad. There are exceptions but this tends to be the case. Some men find milfs hot, but many do not. I am not sure why it would be seen as normal to be attracted to a woman in her 30s or 40s when historically these are the ages women died at and were usually infertile by. Also older women become jaded, cynical, only talk about their exs and have very high expectations. It often seems they love what the man has more than the man himself. The young girls I have worked with, usually with the ending of the relationship by the man, are often left feeling used, depressed, manipulated etc. Many end up with unhealthy self esteem, develop weird complexes or become super promiscuous. Others turn to drugs and alcohol which most often they had been introduced to by the older guy. Very few of the relationships have actually been violent or abusive physically, but inappropriate and unhealthy altogether. Why would anyone think this could be healthy? Often it is the other way around. Also just because a much older man has a young girl does not make him a sexual predator or child abuser. Girls know what and who they want for whatever reason. It is none of your business. You are the ones who can get in trouble. Remember that before you get involved in something that will hurt you. Jane Smith makes a good comment and point. Mostly I think it is jealousy that motivates this. Tbh alot of young teens at my school end up dating older guys and they are just 15,16 or 17 the guy would be 19 years or older and to me it really looks stupid and a waste of time when they can become someone important in life but they only care about being love,money and popularity. Some end up pregnant and with diseases. And they really think they are mature but really lack maturity and cant even pass a simple class because they often skip school just to be with that guy. But now that i read this i finally get it. Thank you, Billy…I agree. I think there does come a time where a large age difference is not a problem…like maybe a 30 year old and a 50 year old, but NOT a 19 year old and a 37 year old! These young girls are mentally too immature to know how damaging this type of experience can be…mentally and physically. I discovered she was having sex when she had to admit she had unprotected sex with a 22yr and afraid she was pregnant, etc. She begged me to let her make her own decisions, which I did and I allowed a relationship with a 16 old, but she quickly ignored rules, etc. Then she lied and schemed to meet older guys and using her friends too. When I put a end to it, she had a mental breakdown and landed on 5150 it continued for weeks. She contracted an STD and was sick for weeks…discovered she had sex with another older male 20 so I went to police and had both arrested…. Last night I caught my daughter Skyping with him…. She absolutely does not feel I have a right to tell her who to desire sexually…. How can i get her help? I was living out in California when the scandal involving the spur posse hit the television airwaves back in the 1990s. The spur posse was a group of adolescent boys in middle school and high school who used and abused teenage girls for a point system they kept on how many young girls they could bed. However, ultimately the district attorney dropped the charges against all of them except for one, because the authorities decided that charging a teenage boy under 18 with such a crime for having sex with a girl the same age as him was the uncool thing to do. The one teenage boy against whom the statutory rape charge continued to stick was a 17-year-old boy who had mistaken a 10-year-old girl for 15 years old when he had sexual relations with her. I had another question. Adults are suppose to say NO to minors when they see minors behaving incorrectly, especially breaking the law with them. She gets pissed when I tell her she did nothing wrong and she says I need therapy not her. I have a 17 year old daughter,which will be 18 on the 24th of Jan. My daughters attitude, and lack of respect that she had once for her father and i have went out the window. I explained to the 22 yr old that my daughter needed time and space before thinking about another relationship and had to focus on her daughter, that she came 1st, my granddaughter that is. His own parents kicked him out, he has no responsibilities or ever has, he always depends on everyone else taking care of him. That is my concern with him. Can someone please give me some advice on how to get him out of my daughters head.. My gut is telling me he is only around until he uses my daughter and granddaughter as escape goats or in other words a FREE ride. What can i do.. So what can i do to save my daughter and granddaughter from this opportunist.???? Can someone help me please!!!! And everything I said in this reply is assuming that your friend and her boyfriend can get out of the country before their local authorities can zero in on them. Unfortunately, my daughter is now living with this man. He actually told my daughter who he just contacted after 18 years that he thinks it is fine she is living with a man this age because he has always been attracted to younger girls too he is 52 and is on wife number 4 who is 25 years old. First, I have a problem with a biological parent who has never had any contact with their child, telling them something like this. Never mind any explanations as to why he was absent from her life for 18 years. My daughter has not spoken to me since Thanksgiving when she moved out. I did reach out to her but she has decided not to respond. This man she is living with has refused to speak to me at all about the situation which I find extremely disrespectful. My daughter met him through the fire department. I too was a member of a fire department at her age too and the one cardinal rule I followed and stressed to her as well; you do not date anyone in the fire department it is sort of an unspoken rule. This man lurked around until she turned 18 and then he made his official move. Smart enough to know that if he has sex with her when she was 17, I could press charges. I find it very hard as a parent why a grown man who is 12 years younger than me ; why he would try to encourage my daughter to reach out to me and have a relationship with me. A guy dating a young girl like this, in my opinion makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him that he cannot have an adult relationship with a woman of his own age? Your daughter is now 18 and legally able to make whatever decisions she wishes, regardless of how you feel about them. You have to learn to just keep your opinions to yourself if you want to reconnect with your daughter. Reach out to your daughter, invite her and maybe even him to lunch and at lunch, just act normal. Talk about normal things. Make your daughter and him feel like you are finally accepting their relationship. What you will gain is your relationship with your daughter which is more important than your disapproval of who she dates. Just learn to be accepting and be there for her or you may find yourself shut out of her life and the life of your future grand kids yeah I know that thought of that with him makes you cringe, sorry. She moved in with him. His daughter is 7 years older than her and my daughter is 5 years older than her. Sounds like your ex is going through a midlife crisis. Drop that baggage and move on. He has to know that his marriage has a price tag on it. However, when I heard that 80-something-year-old convicted serial killer, Charles Manson, was marrying a 26-year-old woman in a jailhouse wedding a year ago, even the thought of it creeped me out big time. Therefore, I could not figure out what Charles Manson could possibly have had to offer a 26-year-old woman. Certainly not a stable future offspring. When I heard that Charles Manson was not allowed to have conjugal visits with his young wife in prison, I was happy about it inasmuch as nobody like him should be allowed to breed. Michelle Duggar and Jim Bob Duggar attempted to sell that load of baloney to the public at large; and people actually bought into it until the sex scandal with their son, Joshua Duggar, hit the press and the media. Nevertheless, I can see you being angry at your ex-fiance, because he wasted your time and he deceived you. My daughter is 16 and a 22 year old sibling of one of her friends is interested in dating her. I mentioned all the usual concerns: why is he interested? Men his age have more expierence and may want to push your boundaries, ect. That got me the standard ho hum teenage response. Then, I reminded her that where we live, the age of consent is 18. I told her that if they dated, he would go to prison and have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. That got her attention. On the other hand, if you have a restraining order against this 22-year-old man, then, yes, he could go to prison for violating it. However, he would not have to register as a sex offender unless he actually had sexual relations with your daughter. Then again, if your daughter is a legally emancipated minor, then the decision would be completely up to her whether or not she would want to press statutory rape charges against this man if there was sexual contact. However, I gather that your daughter is not legally emancipated if she is still living at home with you. Therefore, the decision would be yours in that event. I mean it all depends from background the guy comes from. If the guy comes from a broken family, abused environment, horrible friends drug addicts then expect nothing good from him no matter if he is 17 or 22 year old. Also, it seems that in America parents are scared to see their daughter trying to be independent with an guy who is older. No i am not saying 40 year old men with 17 yr old girls. A 40-year-old man with a 17-year-old girl? It worked out beautifully for Celine Dion and Rene Angelil. But I get your drift. We live in America. Therefore, we must remind ourselves that our country was colonized by the Puritans instead of the French. Interesting point of yours, nonetheless. In addition to your point, Europe made a big mistake in taking in all of these Syrian refugees, most of which are men between 20 and 30 years old. A webcam video of a 16-year-old German girl crying out for protection went viral not too long ago on YouTube. Then you hear stories about these Islamic male goons gang-raping schoolgirls as young as 11 years old in London and talking as though prison is just a paid vacation once they get caught and convicted. Then they get into the prison system and gang up on the inmates and murder them. Great Britain is suffering a culture shock from all of this madness. There are a lot of good Muslims in the world, but these ones that have immigrated to Western Europe are not so friendly, to say the least. However, these Islamic male goons just grab women and their kids and beat up on them in the streets of Germany for no reason at all. I saw a YouTube video about this occurrence. If President Obama lets 200,000 of those people into our country, it will be the end of our country as we know it. Reading all of these stories is making me feel sick. I have been with my boyfriend for three years, I am 22 and he is 27. I literally almost puked and left immediately — I was certain that that would be the end of my relationship with this apparent hebephile. He was working at a liquor store at the time and her mother was his boss, that is how they met. She apparently became relentless about pursuing a relationship with him after that. During this time of his life I know that he was heavily into drugs and alcohol, to make the matter even worse. I know that she got involved in drugs with him, as well. After a few very open discussions about this, during which he answered all of my questions, I decided to try and move forward due to his honesty. A few months ago, I confided in him about a disgusting experience with my uncle. I never allowed it, it made me feel sick. Instead of offering any kind of comfort, he admitted to me that he had kissed yet ANOTHER girl who was VERY underage, probably about 14 while he was around 23. This girl is younger than his ex. I knew her, through him. What upsets me the most is that he has a lot of OTHER young girls on social media. Why have them on social media? I was jealous of these younger girls for a while, now I feel bad for them. Especially with his hair-trigger temper which I can only imagine was much worse while he was almost constantly under the influence of alcohol and drugs. I have also developed an unhealthy obsession with everything anti-aging since finding out about his shady past with underage girls. I feel old and I know that is ridiculous. I certainly feel too old for him, and not only for the fact that he seemingly has a thing for younger girls, or at least used to. But I know for certain that I cannot stay with him and live a happy life. I am absolutely miserable with him. All I know is that I have very mixed feelings about age differences in relationships. With my experience, the older one clearly has the upper hand and in the case of my boyfriend, CLEARLY has mental problems. And I do think that they are all still boys in that age group. They may have the rights and responsibilities of an adult, but they are just little boys. I wanted to share my experience and I realllllllly welcome any responses. I know my post was long and I apologize. I just had to be heard. This has been killing me for three years. The major difference is that Tippi Hedren disapproved of the relationship from the get-go. Nonetheless, Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson were together for a substantial period of time, although their relationship did have significant time gaps in it. May be I am not very late. You are being with a person out of fear that he might take his own life. So, after having made up your mind, you should not waste any time in beginning your life afresh! And your insecurities regarding age is harmful to yourself. By doing so, you are not harming or raping him. But you will be helping yourself. Or are you saying relationships should be based on guilt? How can anyone benefit from it? Pls move away…far far away without any guilt. You are not destroying him. He is doing it to himself. Ask him to get therapy. As advice the article seems at least as bad and misguided as were the extremes of Victorian moralising, even if it is not all mistaken or malicious. How about a 19 year old girl with a 30 year old. My ex and i havent been together for almost two years i left to better myself and when i decided to come back he moved on was in that relationship the time i left. Then he started to talk to the 19 year old girl left hes ex not even two weeks together she thinks shes pregnant? These ladies didnt now he was still married. The younger contact me and told me her self she had no clue that only knew about our kids. Hes in the military my thoughts are shes just looking for a man to take care of her needs. But he doesnt even take care of hes kids financially. I think he obsesses with her cause to him shes the perfect type he would always and a female looking like a model but hes a control freak and hates when people try to control him or tell him what to do. Hi, I realize this is an older post, but am curious if anyone has any advice as to what my family should do with our situation. J has two children, 6 and 4 I think? They started off as coworkers who share similar interests in music, plays, etc. C was in a school play and was having a hard time since she would go from play practice straight to work where she would vent to J about everything that was happening at school. I guess they started being interested in each other and looked up the laws in the area about what age is legal for consent. Here is where the issues fall: My dad is furious. Dad has looked up the GPS location of her phone and found that she is at his apartment. When confronted, C says that she was actually wherever she said she was and the phone is lying. I used to work with them too. He is a 34 year old bartender who is going to have to pay child support and alimony once the divorce is filed. C is convinced that she is going to be able to go to college and work to support the two of them. She thinks she is going to move in with him once she turns 18 in a month. The homecoming dance is coming up. J said I could, just not with any boys. OF course it was great…she hated her home life…and I helped her to get away and we did everything your not supposed to do WE had FUN. We married in 1981 have 2 grown kids both girls and are still married. BUT these days I am the BASTARD who caused the economy to CRASH in 2008 AND I am ALSO the BASTARD who took advantage of this 17 yr old.. LOL yeah she was crazy then and still is… Steve? You male Baby Boomers lucked out in so many ways with respect to relationships with teenage girls younger than 18 years old. First of all, the statutory ages of consent were lower throughout the United States of America back in 1978 than they are now. That is, back then there were states where the age of consent was actually as low as 13 or 14 years old. Therefore, virtually nobody even gave it a second thought whenever they saw a 17-year-old girl with a 23-year-old boyfriend back in 1978. Yeah, there was the big Roman Polanski sex scandal that surfaced in 1977. However, that was a completely different situation than yours, which is not even to be compared to yours. Nowadays there are all these dunces all over social media pointing the finger at anyone who is even slightly over 18 years old and accusing them of being a pedophile for having any kind of romantic feelings for someone who may be even one day shy of their eighteenth birthday. Consider yourself lucky, Steve, because you and other men in your generation jumped on the bandwagon of happiness, for a lack of a better term, before the storm of self-proclaimed child advocates and self-righteous do-gooders came rushing through our great nation and causing a major upheaval in the lives of so many. Her grandparents are extremely religious and controlling while her parents abused her when she was younger. She told me and everyone that he was actually 23 not 16. I talked to the guy and he truly loves her but is now conflicted with his emotions of fear for dating a 16 year old girl, and the fact that he is there for her and supports her. I notice his sincerity and kinda feel bad for him. She needs his caring, supportive nature. So Idk how to argue with her. The most interesting thing of it all is that so many teenage girls end up running into the arms of older men to escape the abuse they suffer at the hands of teenage boys. I guess there is no easy way to enlighten the grandparents, because they are likely at an age in their lives that they are set in their ways and cannot be easily convinced that perhaps they might be wrong about the 23-year-old man and his likes. The fact alone that the United States of America has become the deadbeat teen dad capital of the world says it all. You have so much to experience in life. Do not allow him to rob you of the experience of discovering yourself and experiencing life. I do understand your feeling of never finding anyone else, but I promise you nothing can be further from the truth. You deserve someone who is closer to your age, has never been married and hopefully has no kids. Any man that dates a teenage girl is a paedophile and has no good intentions for that girl. The parents should be reporting these men to the police so the police may investigate these sick men. With what is happening with men in Europe; Australia and look at the Middle East! All these men should be castrated. They are sick in the head and should be listed on sexual offenders lists and with the sick crimes that are committed, prison. I have a serious problem. My 17 yr old daughter is involved with a 53 yr old man. They started sleeping together a couple of months after her 16th birthday, he was married at the time. We are battling financially, he is owns a sucessful business, so money is no problem. I have known this man for the past 15 years, we were never friends, rather acquaintences. He then started visiting us, offering assistance, money, improved security gates etc. I accepted the money on occassion, accepted a few of the improved home security offers like gates, carport etc. Also turned down a lot of the offers as well. In the mean time he had started sleeping with my daughter, unknown to me. My partner started feeling uncomfortable as he was spending more time with my daughter, offering to pick her up from school etc, when I was unable to, my car started breaking down a lot, of which he offered to fix. I felt better, my partner was appeased for a while. We needed to take our stuggling business to the next level, our only option was to approach this man for a loan, of which he granted. He was asked not to come around as often. Knowing it was wrong, hating myself for not having a backbone, I kept quiet. He started the divorce proceedings, which made me feel even worse. I was so far into this deception, I was trapped, I started granting some demands, just enough to keep me in the clear. The situation at home with my partner over the months got worse, I found myself defending this monster. But all through this he always treated my daughter well, other than his jealousy, which always was a problem, of which I advised my daughter to think carefully about, even advising her to end it, saying that this was not a healthy sign from a man of his age. I had hoped that by this time they would have ended it themselves due to the extreme age difference. My partner freaked, as I knew would happen, the predator was banned from the house. The blackmail then picked up a notch. What type of psycological disorder does this man have? By bring the law into this situation, all my past sins will be revealed as well. I must just bite the bullet as I was wrong to let it get to this, I feel as if he not only preyed on my daughter, but me as well. I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. It is something that would have been much easier to squash in the beginning than it is now, but it appears that you and your daughter fell victim to a predator. He manipulated his way deeper and deeper into both your life and your daughters until he managed to get his claws on both of you. Now it is a total mess and with your daughter turning 18 in less than a year I would say just let it go. It makes no sense for you to continue to stress yourself out and drive yourself crazy over something you now have very little control over and will have absolutely no real control over in less than a year. Chances are, this relationship between him and your daughter will not work out, but no one knows when it will end and you trying to control them or insisting that it ends will only make things more stressful for you. You seem like you could benefit from some theray yourself to stengthen your self esteem and perhaps go to couples counseling for you and your partner. But as far as your daughter and this man goes, let it go. My situation was not as involved as yours. My 17-year-old daughter was involved with a man who was 45. We were able to keep them physically separated, but they were still able to keep in contact through secret email accounts and pay-by-month cell phones. Five months later, she turned 18 and ran away from home, and was married a day later. That was five years ago… they are still married. It has been difficult for them as well as me. The best advice I can offer is to love her and be there to support her as best as you can. Not as an ultimatum, but let her know that you will support her, but needs to respect certain rules in your home. My cousin met his wife when he was 30 years old and she was 15 years old. He married her a year or so later, and she became pregnant with his baby shortly thereafter. He claims to have been a virgin until 29 but all he wants now from her is sex. My daughter is extremely gifted in school and has been diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type and anxiety. She has been tested to find she is gifted and extremely intelligent but she does not seem to be when choosing a boyfriend. She has had a couple of bad relationships where the boys were very aggressive. This guy tries to buy her affection with gifts all the time and texts her insesintly, on the surface he appears kind but I see it as pure manipulation!!! My husband believe he is a masterful manipulator and a perv. He has been told that he can not come into our house because they were having sex in our house while we were there, including when my 14 year old son was there. To me this is so disrespectful. We have tried to talked to her many times to explain that we do not approve of this relationship but she does not care. We have tried to talked to both of them to ask that they slow down the relationship with no sexual activity but they say they can not do that. My husband and I can not stand this guy but they think they are soul mates and in love. The whole thing makes me sick and is driving a wedge between my very close relationship with my daughter. She has always had a very difficult time making decisions for herself because of her anxiety but the last thing we need is for this guy to be making decisions for her. We are trying to encourage her to stand on her own two feet and not depend on this guy to make her decisions. We have been trying to let her spread her wings and make more decisions for herself but this!!! I also found an inappropriate pic of her on her phone. I spoke to her about it and she said it was a stupid mistake and would not do it again. We had so many talks about never taking or sending nudes etc, but she still did it. What the heck is she thinking. This guy claims to have similar mental problems like her which they claim bonds them together but man what a mess they will be together with similar problems. We have had much counselling over the years for our family for anxiety and her behavioural problems but nothing has helped. He knew her when she was 15 but he waited in the wings till she turned 16. What can we do as I can not accept it, I just cant. I cry uncontrollably until there are no more tears. It seems as though virginity is sticking with men at later and later ages than in years past. Some of these guys just hold out until what they view to be the love of their life comes along.
